We Can Monetize Your Legacy, Wholesale

Just got word from reader Chris that there are some Total Recall sequel comics due out in May. See the pics? Here's the problem: why is Quaid still yoked out like Ahnold? My hope was that in revisiting this adaptation that they (the Yance men or whatever) would try to stay faithful to the story. Quaid should be a nebbish weakling.. I'm guessing this comic is actually more closely aligned with the original Total Recall. Bummer. If I remember correctly (insert implanted memory joke here) PKD sold all merchandising rights for "We Can Remember It For You Wholesale" lock, stock, and barrel, so basically, the option holder can do whatever they want with the narrative contents of the story. Read this:

"Inspired by the hit 1990 science fiction movie, Total Recall. Read the story of what happens next! Having killed Cohaagen and given Mars an atmosphere, Douglas Quaid (the man who was Hauser) simply wants to live happily ever after with the woman of his dreams, Melina. How can Quaid have his happily ever after with Mars in chaos, new enemies coming to the red planet, and a mysterious stranger walking about? Check out issue Total Recall #1 to find out!"

I kinda like that this appears to be the most boring comic ever created. My hope is that Quaid gets a manager position at the Mars Starbucks and becomes a civil war buff.

So, I expect one of you readers with an interest in comics will review this series for us. That way I won't have to buy these...

Isn't One Remembering Enough?

Word arrived today that production for the remake of Total Recall (which I've mentioned before) is kicking into high gear, in Canada! From Joblo.com:

"In an article over at The Toronto Star [they must mean this one, the one they didn't link to], it's revealed that Columbia Pictures' TOTAL RECALL remake is moving forward in earnest now, with production set to begin in March 2011. Shooting will take place at Pinewood Toronto Studios, a massive facility which was recently home to SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD and THE THING.

Len Wiseman is signed to direct, while the screenplay was penned by SALT scribe Kurt Wimmer. According to the article, the production will cost somewhere in the $200 million range. We still don't know if Colin Farrell will tackle the lead role; he's reportedly been offered the part, but we haven't heard much on that front since.

Also no word on whether or not the producers are going back to TOTAL RECALL's inspiration, Philip K. Dick's book "We Can Remember It For You Wholesale", or if will more or less take its cue from Paul Verhoeven's film. Usually in a situation like this the studio always tries to con us with a "We're referencing the original source material more so than the movie" line; that's usually horseshit."

So, for me, the faithfulness of this adaptation boils down to whom they cast in the leading role. The Governator (though I'm glad to have his signature on my Masters Degree) was a terrible choice for the original role since it's written for a nebbish, pocket calculator operator like Richard Drefus, Dustin Hoffman, or the kid who played Screech on Saved By The Bell. Hey, maybe they could get one of the Degrassi kids to play Douglas Quail!

My guts says this film's going to be no truer to PKD's short story than the original film. That's my two cents, and I'm prepared to be spectacularly wrong. Electric Shepard Productions has nothing to do with this remake, so don't bother complaining about them in the comments section. Please reserve your wrath for Hollywood's current zero-risk strategy for making vapid crap that nobody likes, but lots of people still flock to see. No Tron disses - I haven't seen it yet!

I won't waste your time with an all-too-ubiquitous 'Why are there so many remakes" rants, but one does wonder - why are there so many remakes? I can only imagine that the film's producers are glued to this blog, so - please - suggest your leading actor in the comments section...